Apologies
Except for the fact that my husband died, my life is wonderful. That makes it seem rather self indulgent to write about my grief. Oh well.
That being said, life is much duller now. Despite the fact that trees have leaves and flowers are full of colour, I am living in a black and white movie. It's like The Wizard of Oz, in reverse. Dorothy opened the door to a technicolour Munchkin Land. Life for her, and moviegoers everywhere, changed for ever. Jonas, in Lois Lowry's book The Giver, started seeing brief flashes of colour. As he assumed more of his society's memories, he saw more and more colours. I see fewer and fewer.
Everything is a struggle. Eating gives me no pleasure, so I don't eat. Then I get hungry and don't want to exercise or even paddle. It becomes a rapidly descending spiral. I wonder why this is happening now, when I was so disciplined all through the long winter.
There is now a beautifully framed copy of my (so hard not to say our) profile picture on the living room wall. Ir was taken at our wedding in July 2014. I call it, "The Look." It is still hard to look at it.
So I make a list each day and work through it. Groceries now, then some food, then I will mow half of the back lawn. (See, I have an easy life! ) I guess that's what everyone does
Nothing profound. Just the daily slog. I really hate this.
That being said, life is much duller now. Despite the fact that trees have leaves and flowers are full of colour, I am living in a black and white movie. It's like The Wizard of Oz, in reverse. Dorothy opened the door to a technicolour Munchkin Land. Life for her, and moviegoers everywhere, changed for ever. Jonas, in Lois Lowry's book The Giver, started seeing brief flashes of colour. As he assumed more of his society's memories, he saw more and more colours. I see fewer and fewer.
Everything is a struggle. Eating gives me no pleasure, so I don't eat. Then I get hungry and don't want to exercise or even paddle. It becomes a rapidly descending spiral. I wonder why this is happening now, when I was so disciplined all through the long winter.
There is now a beautifully framed copy of my (so hard not to say our) profile picture on the living room wall. Ir was taken at our wedding in July 2014. I call it, "The Look." It is still hard to look at it.
So I make a list each day and work through it. Groceries now, then some food, then I will mow half of the back lawn. (See, I have an easy life! ) I guess that's what everyone does
Nothing profound. Just the daily slog. I really hate this.
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