Good Bye Rituals
Two nights after David died I talked for a long time on the phone with one of his long ago intense friends, a woman I have never met, and probably never will. She described in detail the rituals that are practiced in Judaism after someone dies, in particular, how those rituals relate to where the person's spirit is.
It was a weird conversation, one of so many during those first few weeks.
There was no funeral, but a concert and party instead. The family spent a lot of time together, sometimes talking about David, but we have had no good bye ceremony.
Somewhere in the big comparative religion book collection there are probably chapters about death rituals.
But I don't want to do that. I talked with a friend about scattering the ashes from his body in a special place, and that is almost bearable. Almost. Is it because I don't want to admit that he is dead and never coming back ever? Do I have to do something? Maybe the other people need something? He wanted a singing party and there was an incredible singing party, but for those of us closest it was not really about him. It was a gig, albeit an amazing gig.
My GC suggests that when I am ready to do some kind of ceremony, if at all, then it will happen.
While walking home tonight, I asked David. Remember, the wisdom of David ... I am not hearing a real voice.
Liz: Should we be having a ceremony to finally acknowledge your death? Should we scatter the ashes that were left over?
D: Should is such a strange word. Do you want to?
Liz: No.
D: Then don't.
In life he might have added, "There are no grief police."
The thought of a final good bye makes me almost hysterical. Guess it is too soon.
It was a weird conversation, one of so many during those first few weeks.
There was no funeral, but a concert and party instead. The family spent a lot of time together, sometimes talking about David, but we have had no good bye ceremony.
Somewhere in the big comparative religion book collection there are probably chapters about death rituals.
But I don't want to do that. I talked with a friend about scattering the ashes from his body in a special place, and that is almost bearable. Almost. Is it because I don't want to admit that he is dead and never coming back ever? Do I have to do something? Maybe the other people need something? He wanted a singing party and there was an incredible singing party, but for those of us closest it was not really about him. It was a gig, albeit an amazing gig.
My GC suggests that when I am ready to do some kind of ceremony, if at all, then it will happen.
While walking home tonight, I asked David. Remember, the wisdom of David ... I am not hearing a real voice.
Liz: Should we be having a ceremony to finally acknowledge your death? Should we scatter the ashes that were left over?
D: Should is such a strange word. Do you want to?
Liz: No.
D: Then don't.
In life he might have added, "There are no grief police."
The thought of a final good bye makes me almost hysterical. Guess it is too soon.
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